I Want To Go To A Zoo!
by UberLoopy
Summary: Hagrid takes Harry & Ron to a wizarding zoo. Crack fic if I've ever written one. Ron confesses his fear of Zoos and spiders and explains why... while... Harry brings back muggle school memories.


**A/N: CRACK FIC! Uhm yeah... pretty much Harry and Ron go to a wizarding zoo and it's all funny. And stuff, and I had fun writing this. Wow, second funny oneshot in one day. HA! Probably takes place in second year before Ginny's possessed and all that important stuff for that book. Lol. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.**

**Dedicated to: Indy-x, 2Padfoot00Moody9, A Catholic Girl, Tonkswyrda and the "Over The Top" thread ;)**

"Hagrid, I'm bored." Harry complained in Hagrids hut one day.

"Well, young Harry what do you want to do?" Hagrid challenged.

"A ZOO!"

"Okay, get Ronald and we can have a blast. I know just the _wizarding_ zoo!"

Harry Immediately ran off to get Ron, his best friend, out of their dorms and immediately ran back with him, excited for the zoo.

"Why'd you drag me out of my peaceful dream Harry? I was..."

"Hagrid's taking us to a wizard zoo! A wizard zoo Ron! A wizard zoo!"

"AAHH! A WIZARD ZOO! Last time I went there were... there were... giant spiders..." Ron screamed, falling to the floor.

"Giant spiders?!?!" Harry asked shocked.

"Yes. _Giant spiders_."

"I LOVE GAINT SPIDERS!" Hagrid's voice boomed.

"Not these giant spiders." Ron said, looking up at the two men and shaking his head.

"What kind of giant spiders, Ronnie? What kind?" Harry asked, shaking his best friend.

"The... the... the... the... big kind..." Ron trembled through his fear.

"Oh no! Oh no! Not the big kind! NOT THE BIG KIND!" He said, waving his hands in the air.

Harry started running around Hagrid's hut screaming "NOT THE BIG KIND! NOT THE BIG KIND!" repeatedly.

"Oh yes the big kind!" Ron said, walking to the corner and going into fetal position. "The big kind with big eight eyes and big red dots and big long legs and big scary hairs longer than my manly parts and... and... oh I can't finish!" He shouted. "It's too tragic..." He added in a dramatic whisper.

"What happened Ron?" Harry asked slowly, walking over and crouching down in front of the kid.

"Don't deny it, Ron! _Don't_ deny it!" Hagrid shouted, pointing a giant finger at him.

"He... he... I SHOULD HAVE SIX BROTHERS!!!" Ron confessed in a giant scream.

Harry and Hagrid gasped. What was he speaking? Gibberish?

"What happened to the sixth one?" Harry whisper-asked.

"THE GIANT SPIDER ATE IT!" Ron screamed, breaking down in sobs.

Harry looked at Hagrid sadly.

"WHY ELSE WOULD I HATE THE SECOND DAY IN MAY SO MUCH!?!?!?!" Ron screamed through his sobs.

Harry cast a skeptical glance at Hagrid.

"NOW!" Harry shouted. Hagrid picked Ron up and ran out of his hut. Harry followed and they jumped onto a thestral and they road to the Wizarding zoo.

"NO! NO! NEVER! I WON'T LOOK! I SWEAR I WON'T I'D RATHER KILL MYSELF!" Ron screamed the whole way into the zoo. Harry paid for the three men and his mouth dropped open when he saw the blast ended screwt. It was twenty feet long and was wiggling across the floor of its cage.

"Ronnie," Harry said, shaking his best friend's leg. "Ronnie. RONNIE!" Harry screamed at the top of his lungs. Ron looked down from his spot on top o Hagrid's shoulders and started screaming.

"I HATE HIGHTS!" Hagrid quickly put Ron down and Harry took Ron's hand and they started skipping. Harry stopped skipping and bursted out in song.

"We are the topiary creatures, we're very pleased to meet ya's, seniors and senioritas too..." Harry started singing quietly. "Though the animals we feature... you know would never eat ya... we sing so very sweet to you..." (**A/N: Youtube**)

He skipped ahead a few steps as he started singing the next part loudly.... "Welcome to the zoo, zoo, zoo, with the kangaroos roos, roos, and the tigers too, too, too. Welcome to the ZooZooZoo," he skipped. He was in his own little world now. "To show some self reliance, come in and see our clients, but do not feed the giant yaks. You'll learn about the lions, and advertising tie ins, and maybe learn some science facts!" He said, jumping up like a ballerina. "Wipe off your windshield so you can see the elephants, the monekeys and the chimpanzees." Now he was dancing like he was advertising something stupid. "Cannery's, peccary's the bears are all hairy. The cheetahs, toccatas' Gorillas and gaters," he was really getting into it now, "The emu and llamas, very similar to the camels, the turtles and the tortoise. The dolphins and the porpoise, mice, lice, geese, moose, WELCOME TO THE ZOOZOOZOO!" He settled down and stood there singing like the main character in a broadway show in their serious solo. "We're the topiary creatures, we're very pleased to meet ya's I haven't written this verse yet. But uh I will write it and it will sound much better than when we had it wet, wet, wet." He started shouting the words again. "WELCOME TO THE ZOO, ZOO, ZOO. WITH THE KANGAROOS ROOS, ROOS, ROOS. AND THE TIGERS TOO, TOO, TOO. WELCOME TO THE ZOOZOOZOO!" He ended the show on his knees with his arms out doing spirit fingers.

"HARRY!" Ron shouted, running over. "That was _amazing_."

Harry got up and smiled. "Thanks Ron. I learned that in muggle school. Some girls wouldn't stop singing it. It was _horrid_."

Ron patted his friend on the back and turned around.

"AAEHEHHEHEHEHE!" He screamed, jumping into Harry's arms. "HARRY! IT'S THE EVIL SPIDER THAT ATE PABLO!"

Harry put Ron down on the ground, who backed up, getting his school robes all dirty, and ran into Hagrid and hugged his leg.

"Is it true, evil spider, that you _ate_ Pablo?"

"He was quite tastey, I still have his remains if you'd like it..." The evil spider said. He moved to the left to show a skeleton. There was a shrill scream from behind Harry and He turned to see Ron screaming out in pain of loosing his brother.

"A coelo usque ad centrum!" Harry shouted, pointing his want at the giant spider. The giant spider groaned in agony and shriveled down to nothing.

"Harry! You're so... so... so..." Harry turned around to see his death awaiting for him. An even bigger spider, his mouth open wide. Harry backed away slowly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ron screamed.

Ginny jerked away, screaming "NO!" In her sleep.

She looked around to see her roommates looking at her oddly.

"Are you okay?" They asked.

"Yeah... I just... had the weirdest dream..." She said. She thought about what Ron said in her dream, _I should I have six brothers...._ It irked her in an odd way.

**A/N: Review and tell me if you like my crack fic and if I should write more of them! Lol, I really enjoyed writing this. Sadly. **


End file.
